Hi, it’s 0011 here, reporting from HQ in the U.S. It has been speculated that I’m a super fast runner. Maybe even Mach 2+ according to Special Operations Force (SOF) leader Da Phenny (DP)* who resides in France. Of course, this theory has to be tested. What better way to do this than running on a runway? So last weekend, DP and his highly trained SOF team scouted an ole airport in France to find out if it can serve as a secret mission site. Via special secret channels, leader DP debriefed me yesterday. Based on this debrief, HQ and I will decide if the mission is a go or not. Here is the decoded debrief, it will self-destruct in 5-4-yes, you better start reading guys-3-2….:
1. What were some of the most interesting discoveries you made while you visited the ole airport?
DP: I saw a swimming pool there so we can cool off hot paws… and the old tanks are open now, but empty… no chance to feed our ride with some magic stuff :o)
0011: Good to know, we definitely need some cooling liquid for our special running equipment. We should bring some wire cutters to get to the pool.
2. How did you get in? What gear did you need? Did you encounter any obstacles?
DP: You only have to jump over some rocks and you are in. It’s open night and day, 7 days per week. We just should avoid this place on Sundays when a crazy bunch of self-appointed druids is there…
DP: Oh, and there is a tree on the ground, so we have to hire a lift boy…maybe my dad can get that job…
0011: HQ agrees, the lift-boy might be necessary so we will have to get funding for that. Maybe crowdfunding will work. Or we can tell him that it’s a gym workout. Q at HQ always goes for that line.
3. Did you do a test run on the runway? Did you reach Mach 2?
DP: I did a test… wow I was as fast as a lightning… but no Mach 2 because my dad had me on a walking string.
0011: I know those bipeds can be a drag. We will have to cut the cord for the actual secret mission, so sharpen those teeth.
4. Did you see a Concorde? If not, what other flying objects did you notice?
Sadly there was no Concorde… not even Eddie the Eagle… but I saw a bumble bee…
0011: That’s a bit disappointing then. It would have been some nice competition. Not a major setback though. Those things can be a bit noisy.
5. What’s the surface of the runway? Is it smooth, are there potholes, etc.? Anything that we should be concerned about in anticipation of the actual secret mission?
DP: The runway is covered with moss now… it is as slippery as ice, you get a lot of boost and you nearly can slide with Mach 2… maybe it makes sense to wear ski or ice skates?
0011: You’re on a roll DP. We could potentially get phenomenal speeds with ski or ice skates. I like your thinking.
6. What do you anticipate to be a major challenge for our sound barrier experiment? Why?
DP: The barrier they have there… it makes a great breaking point but it could in the way when you take a run-up…
0011: Hmmm, we may have to bring some additional gear. I am just thinking out loud here but we could ski as fast as we can up to it and then use it as a launching pad to reach Mach 2+.
7. Is there anything else that you feel is important to share?
DP: The HQ sadly broke down last winter.
0011: Yeah that is one sad looking thing. It morphed into a tree.
DP: That’s bad in case we will have a Mach 2-party after the mission. I suggest a tree house on this tree… it’s made for a tree house, right? …and no, cool boys don’t take the ladder, right?
0011: That is one good looking tree dude. But you’re right, ladders are a no-no. We will just jump right in the party special ops house.
*Go to the Easyweimaraner for more information on SOF leader Da Phenny.
—End of Debrief Notes—